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Our close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several obstacles, which I admire. However, she has been constantly taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Many of her friends drifted away during that time, as they were drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending time together, however, I feel my position in our friendship is to listen. I introduce discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly even called home previously. My intention was to offer personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really solely sought validation of her decisions. I've just come back from a month in that country she hopes to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in pulling back. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument on this point. Emotions are valid, after all. Finally is to question how the two of you going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to hear that. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

This can be successful in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore all you say, since certain individuals hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they maintain a narrative about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it's all they've known. It's tough because there's no clear path with these people, mere obstacles. However, she might initially present defensively before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have closure from having been open and direct.